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If you’re dating, you might meet up with a guy at a bar, late at night. If you’re connecting, you will meet him somewhere at a reasonable hour without alcohol.

If you’re dating, you might evaluate each other’s looks and bodies, subjecting yourself to his attempts to have physical relationship as quickly as humanly possible. If you’re connecting, you will be evaluating each other’s personalities, values, and visions of the future.

If you’re dating, you might wind up back at his apartment after a few too many cocktails. If you’re connecting, you will never enter each other’s apartments, unless there are plenty of other people there (i.e. a party).

If you’re dating, one or both of you might decide the relationship isn’t going anywhere, yet you might still drag it out for the sake of physical relationship. If you’re connecting, there will be no fooling around and nothing will get dragged out; in other words, if there’s no real connection, all contact ends.

If you’re dating, you may rely on activities that don’t require much talking—movies, amusement parks, concerts. But if you’re connecting, on each meeting you will find yourselves sitting down to talk—making time to ask each other insightful questions, to really evaluate whether you are attracted to the other person’s looks or to his core. This is not to say that you shouldn’t have fun! But when you’re connecting, fun isn’t the priority; getting to know each other is.

In a way, you can think of connecting as “Extreme Dating”, like backcountry skiing vs. cruising down the bunny slopes. It is extreme, but it works, and much more likely than dating to lead quickly to long lasting marriage.

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