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Jun 02, 2009

It is important to be upbeat and positive. No one likes a complainer. Don’t show up for your first date and unload all your work struggles on the person you date. He/she does not need to know yet that your boss is unfair, that you got passed over for a promotion, that you hate your company. I am not saying that you should lie…but try to focus on the positives, rather than dwelling on the negatives. Smile. Don’t speak badly about anyone! You don’t want him/her to think you would do the same to him/her.

No, I am not asking you to be fake, but it’s important to remember that if you focus on the things that make you happy, you will start to feel happy. Behaviors cause feelings just as much if not more than feelings cause behaviors.

One recent study proved that “people aren’t happy because they’re successful…they’re successful because they are happy”! So start appreciating what you have, not lamenting what you’re missing!


May 28, 2009

I understand: Commitment is scary! Every man has a certain degree of fear about committing to one woman for the rest of his life. Of course! The rest of life is a very long time. If your man is trying to decide if you’re “the one,” he’s probably asking himself a lot of questions: Does she make me happy? Can I make her happy? Can I get over that annoying habit of hers? Would she be a good mother?

Because of the work I do, I am in constant contact with men and their commitment hesitations. I’ve noticed several levels of fear, ranging from mild nerves to intense physical reactions (including anxiety attacks). Ironically, I’ve noticed a correlation between sensitive men and severe commitment phobia: The more sensitive the man is, the more intense his fear is, and the less likely he is to jump into a committed relationship.

So what can you do?


May 27, 2009

 

So what’s the deal with all these Commitmentphobic men?

Well, for one thing, in general, physical relationship causes men to feel obligated and loose their objectivity, causing more anxiety and the desire to flee.


May 18, 2009

Everyone knows that Americans can sometimes be too quick to diagnose. These days, everyone’s got something. And a LOT of men have so-called “commitmentphobia”. (Women aren’t immune to it, either, but according to a study done at Rutgers University, it’s more common among men.)

My experience tells me that, like many conditions, commitmentphobia is over-diagnosed. I’m not saying that men don’t fear commitment—many certainly do—but I am saying this: It’s not always an incurable disease. It’s usually just regular old anxiety.

Who doesn’t have anxiety? Who doesn’t have fear? The real issues are how consuming the anxiety is and how the anxious person copes. Some self-help books will tell you that if you’re dating a commitmentphobe, you should leave. I’m saying there’s a better way: Use your power from the beginning and save yourself the pain of nebulous relationships and heart-break. You might even be able to help your commitmentphobe get over his fears.


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